Fantasy

Back to daydreaming now. And blogging. Just me and my thoughts on this blog. And I'm gonna blog a hell lot more on this one. This blog means a lot to me. I have been daydreaming a lot, even though I had a lot of work to do it didn't stop me. Nothing usually does. I daydream to sleep at night when I cant sleep. That's getting rare now, I watch TV now, so I don't really daydream that much before bed. The car journeys help quite a lot. Especially the music, its getting more inspirational, and a new CD for my car, just made me happier. Tomorrow I'm getting my laptop back so its going to start getting better now. Gonna clean the laptop to make it faster then I'll be good. I'm excited to back to my old ways tomorrow now. I can't wait. 

Football Matches

Today has consisted a lot of football. I was looking forward to the Sunderland match and then after was dying to go on fifa. There was no time for daydreaming. I was focusing on the match to much. But I know tonight I will be back in my fantasy world doing what I do best. But, its going to be early as I've got to get up at 7 for uni. That's the one thing I hate. I usually rush things and end up doing something stupid which I will probably regret. So since the Internet is working I will plan ahead so I won't have to make any mistakes. Whereas tomorrow I'll probably get bored in my lecture and I will end up daydreaming. That's just typical me really. 9-6 tomorrow... somehow I am not really looking forward to it. But I will look forward to tomorrow night, again, in my fantasy world. Because tomorrow is just another day.

Working 9 til Half 6

Instead of working til 9 til 5 like a normal day, I worked til half 6, and on a Saturday. Shows how much dedication I had today. There was no time for daydreaming, I had to be fully focused on getting stock out and serving customers. So at the end of the day I can't wait to get home and be in my fantasy world. So after tea later, going back to my room, door closed, music loud and on my sofabed. Just like old times. 

I will probably be listening to the lostprophets tonight. The Song, For he's a jolly good felon, is just my song for when I am in my fantasy world. 

We take to get along,
we’re holding on, we’re holding on,
and all these estates we’re on,
everyone‘s singing!

My favourite part of the song. I sing along to it everytime. And then it goes on to my next part. 

all the police are wrong,
so we’re still singing.
7 days a week, patrolling all these streets.
I try to stop, but I can’t help it.
I know you call me weak, my future is oblique.
I take to get along, cause I still need it.  

Oh the irony for my occasion. The police are wrong, while in my world thinking I can be above the law if I want to be. Then I snap into reality later and laugh about it. And then 7 days a week partrolling the streets. That part quite true. Now I am back to my old ways again, wake up, uni - or work - home, family time, eat, fantasy life, then sleep. The cycle goes on. 

Back in Black

After reading posts from 2 years ago I have decided to go back to my old blog on my maladaptive daydreaming life. It's not that bad after getting used to it, its the way I live and couldn't imagine life without it. It's how I get by and feel a better person. So I feel this is the most appropiate song for this time. 

Back in black
I hit the sack
I've been too long I'm glad to be back
Yes, I'm let loose
From the noose
That's kept me hanging about
I've been looking at the sky
'Cause it's gettin' me high
Forget the hearse 'cause I never die
I got nine lives
Cat's eyes
Abusin' every one of them and running wild


The first verse from AC/DC's back in black, and I am listening to it right now, and is making me feel really good. On a night I would usually type into microsoft word what is happening in another world in my head, but however, I am taking a break from it tonight. I was out last night socialising, drinking, and being in the real world. Rock night out, my favourite night out ever. My favourite songs and I was singing along to them with my friends, made me feel great. So instead I will wash my hair, and then go on the PS2 and play fifa, and early to bed and up at 7 for work. 

Tomorrow night, my maladaptive daydreaming will commence. It's a good job I've got work and uni to stop me from daydreaming for a while and to be in the real world. I see my MD as a side hobby, something to do at night to cheer me up and feel a better person. It's somewhere where I'm not ignored and I'm the boss. I'm not going to change from this for a while now. Things are great the way they are.

What The Hell?

You're on your knees
Begging please
Stay with me
But honestly
I just need to be a little crazy

All my life I've been good but now, I'm thinking what the hell
All I want is to mess around and I don't really care about
If you love me, if you hate me, you can't save me, baby, baby
All my life I've been good but now, whoa, what the hell

What... what... what... What the hell?

Love the song and love the lyrics. Again the lyrics are meaning something to me here. I know that everything is ok now. That's the main thing. It's all good. There isn't much to say now. Tiredness is kicking in. And it is late at night. I just love this song so much. Listening to it non stop now :)

Can't Catch Tomorrow

A little piece of me grows old
I keep on walking down this road
I've seen a million people change
but I will stay the same
and I know you wanna steal and borrow
and I know you will never catch, you're never gonna catch tomorrow

Yet again I have found some lyrics which mean something. I keep walking down the same roads.... I've seen a million change..... but I'm always gonna stay the same. It's how life goes. It might be like this forever. Doesn't bother me. Thing's are just great now. Plans are to come back late from uni. I liked it today. Gonna take a trip to the hospital later, and literally. Well...... not of course... it's all in my head. It's the way I live. It's probably gonna happen tomorrow as well. Cos I can make it happen. And no one can stop that. It's the way things go round here. Nothing and no one is gonna change. I'm not gonna let it. It's nice like this. Very nice. :)

Streets Of Nowhere

These city lies,
The bullshit smiles,
The inside jokes and the changing style.

But when I'm here,
I leave behind,
What I don't need
'Cause everytime I walk these streets I know they're mine.

The lyrics are all true. This song is on non stop now. It's so catchy and so true. I leave everything back in reality and the streets I walk on are in my head. The streets of nowhere. I feel that it makes a lot of sense. Everything is changing, well not everything, but some things are. I can battle it. I can deal with it. It's all good. Just think positive. Positive is good.

It's just another day,
Living here this way,
Nothing ever troubles me,
And I say, "Lalalaa lalalaala, Lalalaa lalalaala la,
Everything's ok."

My favourite bit of the song. It's just another day... living with the daydream... nothing ever troubles me. And I sing lalalaa lalalalaaaaaaaa. Everything's ok. Cos everything is GREAT! No matter what happens I always pick myself up. I see this as an advantage of being me really. Just turn around. I can do it. All I know is that everything is ok :)  

We're Not Gonna Take It

Oh we're not gonna take it
No, we ain't gonna take it
Oh we're not gonna take it anymore

We've got the right to choose it
There ain't no way we'll lost it
This is our life, this is our song


This song speaks out for us all. I'm really getting into this song now. We have the right to make our own opinions.... Today... was ok. A lot less daydreaming. Didn't really bother me. I came up with different scenarios to fit the scenery. And it worked very well. That's all that mattered. My good deed paid off, and I feel good now. And I'm gonna do another good deed tomorrow. Good deeds for other people make you feel a better person. I now have a plan to read more. It probably won't work but I'll give it a go. And this is all I have to say now. 


We're free!! Yeah! 

Go Your Own Way

You can go your own way
Go your own way
You can call it
Another lonely day
You can go your own way
Go your own way


This was the last song I played on guitar hero. Guitar hero of which I played most of the day. I finally had a day of rest. A day of daydreaming. It was great. I loved it. It's late and now I have nothing much to say. Apart from life is great right now. That's it. I can go my own way. You can go your own way. We can all go our own way's. And that's it for now. 

Maladaptive Daydreaming

Maladaptive daydreaming has its ups and downs. It can give you creativity, help you see issues from different angles and can help us act quick. It helped me with all of them things. But then the cons, which are not very nice. Stress, lack of concentration, clumsy, hard to keep a relationship with someone and difficulty to complete tasks. I again do all of these. I can't help myself. It really does make me think about life. Are we here for a reason? Am I here for a reason? There are many questions in life which will be unanswered. We cant help but daydream excessively. I am addicted to it. Fact. I create all different scenarios which lands me in all different situations. And I make myself live it inside of my head. Because it makes me feel better. 


The real question is, why do we daydream? And the answer is, to escape reality. We all do it. Every single one of us. But to daydream excessively is not normal. But then, what is normal? I don't know what normal is. It's personal opinion. Everything these days is personal opinion. Nothing is ever a fact any more, life is all opinion based. Or is it? Here's me typing all this and not knowing if anyone is reading it. I do it to express my feelings. Because it makes me feel better. I guess we all do it these days. And yet, I am daydreaming my life away with no one to help me. 


I guess in order to try and stop daydreaming is to find, and kill the source of it. I would kill it, but I can't do that. The source to my daydreaming is a person. The source to my daydreaming is a relative of mine. I think it's quite sad really. The amount of things I have done for them, and they have done nothing to repay me. It's gone on for years now. I do wish they would move out. I even daydream what life would be like without them. It would be great. I do want to move out next year. But... I would be moving away from all my memories and daydreaming. I don't know if I could do it. It would be to hard. Life can be hard or easy. It can be however we can take it. Well, now I guess it's back to daydreaming now, it's the thing I can do which makes me happy. 

All My Life

All my life I've been searching for somethin'
Somethin' never comes, never leads to nuthin'
Nothin' satisfies, but I'm gettin' close
Closer to the prize at the end of the rope

All night long I dream of the day
When it comes around, and it's takin'away
Leaves me with the feelin' that I fear the most 
Feel it come to life when I see your ghost


This song just helps me daydream. I feel like the lyrics mean something, something precious to life. Just daydreaming my life away. And yet I don't really seem to care. Should I? I don't think I'll ever know.I don't know if I wanna know either. All I know is that today was a good day. Most of essay done now. Things are going great. Late at night now. Bed soon. And all night long I'm gonna be dreaming of the next day. I seem to do that sometimes. Don't know why. It's just weird. Life's weird anyway. One day I'm gonna find out the meaning of life, and I know it. I feel like this is enough now. I'll recap tomorrow. 


But I'm gettin' close closer to the prize at the end of the rope

Crazy Crazy Nights

Sometimes days are so hard to survive 
A million ways to bury you alive 
The sun goes down like a bad bad dream 
You're wound up tight, gotta let off steam 
They say they can break you again and again 
If life is a radio, turn up to ten 


This is so true. I've been listening to it all day. It made me feel really good, and really happy. I don't know what made me start listening to this, but it's really good. Gotta turn the music up. The louder the better some people say. And yet again, there was a day full of daydreaming. Not much work done. Sat down, typed a few words, didn't make sense, then I turned the music on. Tomorrow means war. Cracking down with the work. It's gotta be done, not leaving thing's til the last minute again. Today wasn't hard, it was fun. Joined a band, didn't get arrested, and ended up in hospital, twice. Fun times. Again. Gonna prepare for more to come. And edge things back to normal. Less times in hospital would be nice, I kinda wanted it to edge that way tonight. It was kinda sad actually. 


The reality of this situation is that I didn't really join a band, I didn't nearly not get arrested and I did not end up in hospital. Twice. I made it up. Cos I felt like it. Note to self, daydream less about being in hospital. I'm kinda getting sick of it. The music thing is getting better now, a lot better. Daydreaming getting a bit out of control, but I can handle it. You've got to face challenges in life anyway. I now leave with this line from this song. 


This is our music, we love it loud. Yeah, and nobody's gonna change me, 'cos that's who I am!!!

Kick In The Teeth

We live in a cold dark world
With venom in its veins
You can spit in my face but I know I'll be okay
Its on the attack, its a war, its a game
A ball and chain chew my arm off to get away
Don't fight it or deny it
Invite it


This is a very catchy song and I feel that the lyrics are true in every way. Don't let life kick you down, just get up and get on with it. You only live once. And I couldn't stop listening to it today. Today.... was interesting. Arrested and in hospital, twice. Could I help it? Yes. Kind of. Some thing's you can't help in life can you? Well hey, some thing's you've got to fight. Life's exciting on so many levels. And what doesn't make you weaker only makes you stronger. Somet like that, it doesn't really make sense to me. You get stabbed which half kills you and your supposed to get stronger? I really feel like it doesn't make sense. 


That didn't really happen. Of course it didn't. It's all in my fantasy world. I'm still yet to find out why I enjoy being arrested in my world. I don't know. And I don't know if I'll ever find out. Maybe cos I'm scared of getting into trouble? Probably not that, I just made that up. Or it probably doesn't matter. I'm never gonna stop daydreaming, because I like things this way. It's not gonna change. I love it to much. :) 

Get Busy Livin'

C'mon you gotta get up you gotta get out
You gotta give it all that you can
You gotta turn it up and play it loud
Cause that's what livin' is all about
Get busy

1st of January again. New year and new times ahead. It's the start again. This time it's gonna be better. Last night was great, and set my mood great. And now everything is great. Looking on the up again. Note to self, get out with friends more and get drunk more. That was pretty damn great last night, gotta do that again soon. All I know is that things are getting better now. 1 more week til I go back to uni but that really won't put me down. I'll work round it. Cos I always do. I'll make something up. Gotta look up for the times ahead now. :)

Hell Yeah!

Let's Go! We can't live forever
One note! The louder the better
So Let's Go! We're in this together
Can you hear me?
Hell Yeah! Let's Go!


On a roll!! This is what I was like today. All up and ready for business. It's late at night and I still am right now. Life has just got better :) Was a fun filled day today battling whatever came to me. Back to the way things used to be now. It's better now. A whole load better. I'm happier more than ever now. T'was an unusual day though. Well it wasn't that unusual, I'd say usual. Just arrested and then to hospital. That's all normal. There's nothing unusual about that situation. Apart from the fact I have a bandage on my arm and it hurts. But oh well, I've been in worse pain than this before. I'll live through it and I know I'm gonna live through it. I'll sleep it off, cos I sleep everything off. I now like how things are, and am gonna keep it this way. It makes me happy and its how life goes on.


The reality of this situation is that I was not arrested and did not end up in hospital. It's all in my head. For some strange unknown reason I like to daydream about it. But it makes me happy and that's that. Being this way makes me happier and feel like things are heading on the way back to normal. This is a good thing. A very good thing. I've said it before but I'll say it again, things are now heading up. This is great. Life is great :)  

Back In Black

Things are heading on the hill up. And there's no going down. The daydreaming is getting better. I actually did something today. And it felt great! There was no way I was gonna stop. I was on a roll. I'm not gonna stop at all now. I'm getting into my mojo now, and can't see a way of getting out, it's brilliant! Can't go leaving it behind. Sometimes, I'd see it as a problem. Not now. I'm looking on the up. Music is starting to come back now, and playing a big role. It makes me feel happy and more a part of the world now. Nothing down, all on the up. There'll be more tomorrow, and the day after, and the day after. This is how things were, and it's gonna stay this way. I'm not gonna let anything get in the way now. 


I'm on the mend. I'm all better now. No illnesses now. It's all gone. Music all the way. And the fact I was on guitar hero most of the day. That also helped. Get's me back in the mood. I found that people were the problem. We need to work around this problem. I did that well I reckon. Like I said, on the mend and on the up. Today was good. And yet again, I'm tired from doing basically nothing. I know that my mind was active though. Very active. It nearly always is. It's all good. :) 

Christmas :)

New laptop and new times ahead :) Looking forward to it! Today wasn't all that bad. Not much daydreaming involved. Took the time out and spent it with family. It was very sociable and enjoyable. Everyone was satisfied with their presents and no one was upset. It was a nice Christmas. It's late and now have nothing much to say. Getting onto the positive side on things now. Tomorrow will be a good day. Been planning ahead. It's what I like. It's all good now. All there is now to say is Merry Christmas :) And a happy new year! 

Bottom Of The Well

I gotta get out I gotta break free
Ain't gonna live in misery
My minds made up I'm leaving today
Come hell or high water I'm will break these chains
Gonna scratch my way, claw my way,
Dig my way, back to the top
Cause I never say die, I never give in
I never stop giving it all that I got
I'm breaking out of hell

Great song and relevant for these times. I'm fighting it, and I'm gonna end up at the top. Not the bottom. Gotta think positive from now on. Positive. New years resolution. Not to stop daydreaming. Was originally planning for it to be the other way round. But I can't live without daydreaming. It's the only thing that makes me happy. Fact. Songs like these make me feel at my best. I'm in a battle now. And I'm gonna win. In another one of them 'weird' moods again. Or maybe it's cos I'm tired. I can never really tell. 


Gotta look more into the future now. And what I can get out of life. I'm sure there'll be something out there. And hey, it's Christmas tomorrow! It'll be good. It'll be good.... Another new start. I'll make something good out of it. More positive thoughts. Gonna stay this way. This music is making me happy. It's gonna be good :) 

Roller Coaster Of Emotions.

Today was very much like a roller coaster of emotions. Constantly up and down. This morning I was on top of the world, and then everything under me was knocked down and I became depressed. Making me think about it a little makes me feel a little down, but not a lot. Daydreaming got the better of me today. That's where I fell, and stayed down. I let myself stay like that and was depressed as hell. I need to knock myself out of it. I then found out that music DID change my emotions. It was brilliant. Now I'm listening to it more, I'm bringing myself back up now. I'm back on the fence now, on one half I'm battling with reality, and the other half the fantasy world. It's how I live, and will continue on this way. 


I'm back on top now. Think positive. That's the way to go. I guess I'll sleep it off now. Not feeling so good about getting up early though. I hate early dentist appointments. I despise them... Gotta look forward to the big lie in on Christmas Eve though. That's another positive thing. Christmas. Best time of the year for some. Gotta stay on the positive now :) 

Parallel Worlds

I'm stuck in parallel worlds, something supernatural,
It wont let me go,
Its paranormal, and no one else believes me,
I feel so alone again.


I find this song very addictive. And very relevant to today. There are so many worlds I have going on through my head which feel 'supernatural'. I do feel lonely but on the other hand I don't seem to care. I've been in these worlds for so long I now like to be lonely. The word 'introvert' comes into the equation. Today I became so absorbed in my fantasy world I went onto the Sims and started creating my people. I think it's slightly strange and weird, but on the other hand it's what I like doing. I'm a strange person anyway. 


I've never stopped once in the past week and thought about reality. I don't feel the need for it. I'm to absorbed into the fantasy world I don't care for reality any more. I'm pretty sure there's a big group out there who feel the same way. And I want to find this group of people. I still haven't found my people yet. But one day, I will find them, and become one of them.